Issues

There are two issues I really need to deal with on this blog right now: Nutrition and Fitness. The two have been working against each other for me lately. I run, I'm hungry and I eat. Or, I starve, I'm tired, I skip workouts. Neither is a healthy way to exist, and I have been floating back and forth between the them every few weeks. I need to find a way to nourish myself and stay active at the same time, and balance those needs within the context of the rest of my life without them taking over. I drive everyone around me insane, constantly overwhelming myself with miles, weights, calories or carbs. I remember telling my Dad (an admitted work-a-holic) that he should "work to live, not live to work." Seems I need to start taking my own advice.

Nutrition: I love to eat. I mean I know most living creatures do, but allow me this moment of self-absorbency and assume I really do love to eat more than the average person. Carbs are my secret lover, I eat them at every meal, and lately a lot of them. Unfortunately I am apple shaped by nature. I have girlfriends who are naturally pear shaped and hate it, but I always point out you never hear a man complain his wife's butt is too big! I am ridiculously skinny everywhere, but my stomach. Everything I eat goes right there. Every time I eat I am either under-eating and starving myself, or overeating and gorging. I know something has to change, and I think after years of struggling with my food issues I have improved to a point where I can listen to my body and respond to it's needs. As a vegetarian, I wont eat meat and that is not going to change. I also wont drink milk or eat cheese (awww, cheeeeeeese.) I have decided that for my own personal sanity, and waistline, I am going to eat eggs. Not even free-range ones (free-range is just an overpriced label the egg industry created to allow consumers to pretend they aren't supporting factory farming.) Egg whites, those mysterious little cartons above the eggs, are my friend. Low in calories and carbs, high in protein, and oh so tasty. Anyone who is vegan would shake their head in shame. Egg laying chickens are the worst treated animals in the factory farm business. I can't even go into it, and if you don't know about it yet don't ask. TRUST ME. Anyway, I can replace at least 1 carb a day with egg whites, and another with greens, and I feel my nutrition needs will be met with minimal animal consumption and maximum satisfaction. No calorie counting necessary!

Fitness: Today I hit the gym, and when I left I could feel the burn in every major part of my body. Every step I take feels strong, and my abs contract every time I bend to put a dish in the dishwasher. I love that feeling, so why is it so difficult for me to maintain a fitness routine for longer than 2 weeks without taking days off? There is not much to consider when it comes to this, I need to just stop quitting. Every Monday, Wednesday & Friday morning I need to be running then at the gym. If I absolutely have to miss a day because life gets in the way, then I work out the following day and pick back up where I left off. I love Nike, not only because of the Nike+ sports band, but because of their long-time motto: Just Do It. So cheesy (mmm, cheeeese) but so true!

By posting these decisions in my blog I have committed myself to them, and although I know nobody really cares, I still feel the need to meet the goals I set and am therefore more motivated to do so. My body fat percentage was 27% just 6 months ago, and through determination and sweat it is down to 17%! I have just 7 more percentage points to go, and nothing is going to stop me.

Elapsed Time

Every time I update my blog I feel the need to explain the gaps of time spanning between posts. I look at my most recent blogs and think how long ago they were written, in just 2 weeks they are already old. The days I have failed to blog seem lost, and I feel overwhelmed by the amount of seconds that have ticked by without review. The other day I was looking for a baby picture of Mica, but my computer crashed last year and I lost a lot of data. When I realized I actually don't have very many baby pictures of her my heart ached as though along with the files the memories had somehow been erased. My Gramps has several large boxes filled with undeveloped film, random photos, and projector slides. They hold images of acquaintances who's names we have forgotten, houses we don't recognize, and family who has long since passed away. Some are scattered across a table, others are tucked into albums no one ever looks through. Why does every moment need to be chronicled to maintain its existence? These moments have passed but still there is some unspoken rule about throwing away random memories.

Less than 2 months ago I turned 28, and gaped at all the time that has slipped through my fingers, void of any true accomplishment. Shouldn't I have stuffed every moment with meaning, achieved every career I wanted as a child, and saved enough money for a McMansion by now? I don't know where that time went, and when I look back at my blogs and photos the gaps represent chunks of lost time. People say they should have journaled, they should have filled out that baby book, they should have taken a photo of their child every day from the day they were born so as not to lose even one second of a life that is passing us by much too quickly.

When I lost Mica's baby photos, did those moments become irrelevant? If they exist solely in my heart then how are they any different then an idea that comes to mind? Her first year is now intangible and without proof, and I could easily join the ranks of people saying I should have written everything down or taken a photo of each day. Only while snapping away with the professional grade camera, a lot of parents are missing the moments that really count. My wedding doesn't have a lot of photos, but I clearly remember every time our guests blew bubbles and Paul would lean down to kiss me, fulfilled promises in his eyes. I haven't saved all of JT's school pictures, but I remember how tightly we hugged that first morning of preschool, and how he flew into my arms when I came back for him. I have a scant handful of baby photos of Mica, but when I close my eyes I remember her sweet scent and the firm feel of her curled into a ball on my chest, her toes barely grazing my belly button.

When I go I will take all of those moments with me, and any photos left behind will accumulate in a box no one ever looks at. Our memories will be stuffed into an album packed away in someone's garage, and maybe one day they will take the album down and not even recognize us, but feel too guilty to throw pictures in the trash and instead pack the album back away in a corner to be forgotten. Eventually the ink will fade and the moment will be lost forever. I am sure that day will come all too soon. No amount of photos, blogging, posting or journaling are going to slow down the sands of time. What has happened is gone, and being afraid of the future is no excuse for living in the past.