Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Who We Are

Is it wrong to visit your own blog? Today I sat and skimmed through some of my past posts and noticed that most are about NF2, my Mom, and fundraising. If my blog is a written series of my life, I don't want to be one of those people who defines themselves by what has happened to them, by a tragedy or by a loss. I am more than just the sum of my tumors, which sounds hilarious, but is honest. My entire life I have been teased, and I always assumed it was because I was weak compared to the other kids with my never ending health and family issues. Finally, I realized everyone feels that way sometimes. Everyone loses someone. Everyone has a tragedy. We all still wake up the same way each morning. I don't think about being Deaf everyday. I am sure at this point most of the people in my life refer to me as Deaf if I come up in a conversation, but I do not wake up and think about all the things I cannot hear. I just wake up.

Who we are and who we consider ourselves to be are not necessarily the same thing. I think of myself as a runner, and when Paul called me a jogger I cut him with the Hello Kitty Death Stare. I still call myself a vegetarian, but I eat fish now. I am a writer but can never seem to get past writing an outline for a novel. I have a lot of tattoos and used to be a body piercer, but I have a complete needle phobia. People comment on how skinny I am, but I hate my skinniness and want to be muscular like the women in the Nike ads. I don't let my kids watch Nickelodeon but let them watch horror movies with us. Like everyone else, I am a walking contradiction. All I know is I refuse to only be the Deaf girl with NF2, but don't know who else I would be if I wasn't.

By the way my Nani took the time to tell me how unfunny I am the other day, but I think I am hilarious. Maybe she's right.


Anonymous said...

I read your blogs, though I don't leave comments. I want you to know that I admire you very much as a person. No, I don't get the feeling you define yourself by what you have.. but how you face adversity with a positive attitude and moving on with life.

Mishka Zena

kat said...

Great post, thanks for sharing.

Dianrez said...

You're hilarious. Also not skinny. Love your blogs!

Sheila said...

Girl I LOVE you for WHO YOU ARE!! Be proud of what you have, what you have been through and what you have learned! I see you for you and I only refer to you as my best friend and my sister!!

Keep up the fight girl! Cause you know we are gonna be two feisty old ladies rocking that nursing home! ;o)

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