Understanding

I am tired of being quiet.

I am tired of holding my applause.

I am tired of only singing in my head.

I am tired of politely smiling, while people carelessly ignore me.

I am tired of biting my tongue and,

I am tired of stifling my spirit.

I am loud, I am chatty, I am opinionated and I like myself.

Don't shush me, don't give me that look, don't sigh at me and don't condescend me motherf*cker.

***

I used to laugh really loudly and yell across rooms, now people always have to ask me to speak up because my voice has hidden itself away, afraid to be chastised for its' gregariousness.

When I witness an amazing feat my hands reach for each other and pause in mid air as I glance nervously around me to be sure I am not the lone clapper in a sea of assholes.

Jokes fly over my head when explained to my curious eyes only after the laughter has already completely died.

Everybody sings a song I know but cannot voice for fear of those looks, those "empathetic" tight-lipped head-cocked knowing smiles kind of looks.

Nobody's fault, not yours, and not mine.

Not a misunderstanding, not yours and not mine.

I understand perfectly.

***