Sunday, February 5, 2012

Its in the Past

One year ago today is in the past. One year ago I ran a half marathon at Surf City in 2:05. I vividly remember the course, counting the miles down as I ran my heart out in my bright yellow singlet. I weighed more but felt stronger. My legs carried me without protest, they were trained to complete that race. Hours of time running in circles and praying toward the horizon had prepared me for each mile. People passed me, but I owned it, they flew by and were gone to run their own race. The pain, the happiness, the freedom of flying along by my own will. The views of that expansive blue we call an ocean. Sea air filling my lungs and a crisp breeze propelling me forward, then slipping out as I gasped for the next breath. The creeping pain building under my rib cage as I burned through more and more of my stamina. I knew I was running on empty, but soon the finish line loomed ahead, and I surged forward.

Running what I could never know would be my last race.

One year ago today is in the past, and all I can do is look forward. Surge ahead in a new race. Forge a new future without succumbing to the immense sense of loss I feel for that course. For every course.


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Suze said...

I just want to tell you that your voice is being heard out here in cyberspace. I won't offer any empty platitudes, but I will say that I appreciate your unflinching writing style. I have a half-marathon coming up in a couple of weeks; I'll be thinking of you every time I start bitching about a complaining knee, and I will keep moving. Thank you.

Donna said...

I just found your blog and wow! Very, VERY happy to find another Nf2er out there living, thriving and staying active. OK, I'm really envious on the running -- I'm only starting to run now but that's nothing to do with my lovely schwannoma crew -- I've always hated running. Could never get to that happy runner high that I hear (OK, used to hear :-) so much about. In any case, I've been having a lot of happy running dreams of late so figure it's time to try again.
Come by a visit my joint sometime.

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