Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

A month ago I sat with Dr. Kim at my Gamma Knife consultation with a list of questions. I don't remember any of them now, but I survived so I am pretty sure none of them mattered. I do remember very clearly Dr. Kim saying something, and looking over to Paul as he made a face at Dr. Kim. He shook his head as if to ask why he would say such a thing, and with an odd grin that only people who have sat through oncology appointments could really understand he relayed that I could possibly lose a large patch of hair. I remember my Mom losing chunks of her gorgeous hair after Gamma Knife. The parade of hair products that came along shortly after. Within a year she had given in and cut it all off. In time the bald spots grew fine baby hair, but her full head of hair never recovered. I thought it had something to do with some archaic version of Gamma Knife, but apparently the issue is related to how close to the skull a tumor is, as well as how large the area to be radiated may be. Dr. Kim was telling me that I could possibly lose my hair over the areas to be treated, which happened to be directly on top of my head spanning most of my crown and a large area of the front top. Really? Paul suggested a reverse mohawk, and I slapped his arm, Dr. Kim chuckled and shook our hands as he took his leave.

The following day I had Gamma Knife, and other then the pain it was mostly unremarkable to me. I remember feeling trapped inside my head, but I tend to feel like that a lot since I lost my hearing. The next few days my scalp burned, I had always dealt with the deep pain from the head pins, but this was the first time my scalp reacted. I stood in front of my bathroom mirror staring at my hairline, combing delicately near the treated areas and searching for signs of change. I always lose a lot of hair in the shower, so before washing my hair I reminded myself of that and purposefully ignored the thick strands laced around my fingers as I ran my hands through my hair's length. I towel dried gently and laid off the teasing. Everyday I tried to not look as closely, tried to ignore the continuous burning along my scalp. Finally, this past weekend I parted my bangs to french braid them to the side and as I pinned the braid into place a large white spot of skull stared at me from the area I had parted. I thought I had braided too tightly and quickly undid the braid, loosely redoing it and scruffing up the surrounding hair near the patch. When my hair was completely done I noticed a nickel size spot of hair missing on the other side as well. I ignored it, put on my lipstick, and enjoyed my evening.
Last night I finally let my hair completely down after a lazy day of purposeful avoidance. Most of my hair is the same as it has been since I had babies, very straight and flat with no volume. But now the front is just sparse, when I part my bangs any which way the line between the chunks of hair is just thick and glaring. The remaining hair doesn't seem rooted, each strand stands alone and weakly clings to my damaged scalp. There are 3 tiny, almost dime-size, patches missing. One above each temple, and one in the very front smack in the middle of my forehead. They are not noticeable unless I pull my hair to either side, yet. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
The way I see it I have 2 options. The first is to be incredibly dramatic and go all Rosemary's Baby
on my hair. Part of me is excited by the aspect of such a radical change, a larger part of me hated having short hair and remembers how easy it is to chop it off and how difficult it is to grow it back. Option two is to baby my hair, apply hair regrowth serum, and wear it up a lot until it
starts to fill back in. If any more does fall out then option 1 would really become more of a necessity because regardless of what Paul thinks I am not ready to rock a reverse mohawk.

By the way, I think it is absolutely infuriating that the hair has to fall out right on top because
if my sides were falling out I would already be rocking my new hawk...

No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails