Thursday, April 16, 2009

Top 10 People I Hate at the Gym

1. The guy with the veins popping out of his neck who gets off the machine and just walks away, leaving his steroid-infested man stanky sweat in puddles on the seat. You know you are supposed to wipe that up, keep your ring worm to yourself nasty!

2. Chick on the stairmaster with hair fully styled and not at all in a ponytail... if you were actually working out you would want your hair up. Stop posing on all the equipment and get the hell out of my way before I break your nails.

3. Personal trainer who you specifically tell you want to learn the resistance machines, and then creates a "routine" for you using nothing but free weights and trainer tools in the hopes of forcing you to pay for more personal sessions. Right, because not listening is the best way to get repeat customers.

4. Weird little old dude who sits across from you, and you can feel his creepy old ass eye-molesting you while you press. Oddly, he doesn't do anything but sit on random machines!

5. Girl who floats in on her implants... in any other situation I don't care, but how the hell am I supposed to focus and sweat when you freaking cheat your way to a perfect body then come in here acting like you bench pressed those things out of your pecs??

6. Bad ass bebe kid trying to hit my innocent child in the daycare and teach him bad words. What is your problem? Why are you so angry? I know it smells like feet in here, and your Mom is off flirting with weird little old dude, but damn suck it up and leave my baby alone!

7. Person with a blue tooth on while working out... you are not that important and none of us are fooled. If you had such a demanding job why is your ass at the gym on a Monday morning? So not only are you unemployed, you go to the gym and pretend to work out, because sweat would completely ruin that fugly thing you've hot glued to your ear. God help you if its bedazzled.

8. 16 year old sitting on a machine text messaging, how did you get a membership? Don't they have age requirements here? Shouldn't you be in the daycare waiting for your Mom? Get the hell off the machine, just because their isn't a line doesn't mean I'm not waiting for it to open up from across the room. We all know your generation can't be expected to understand actual human relations, so go home and google some Tae Bo on You Tube and frigging get out of my way.

9. Old tiny asian lady with the huge bush walking around naked in the locker room. Cover your muff, it's scaring me.

10. Girl in jeans and makeup on the sit up machine, are you really that broke or just tacky? I'm guessing tacky since you could afford the membership. Or maybe this is a free trial which would explain why I probably will never see you here again, so get out of my way.

*Weird deaf girl who sits in judgement of everyone and never moves when you say excuse me!*

14 comments:

gomillion and one... said...

I love #9. You are too funny girl.

Frosty said...

These are great! I can personally relate to each one. Apparently those who go to the gym to "get a work out" like us are a dying breed.

I have one more for you:
The overweight middle-aged man pretending he has the ability to squat 200lbs and struggles to return to a stand! (This was my annoyance last night at the gym.)

Happy running!

Heather said...

#7 made me lol (for real)

Tanyetta said...

these are hilarious!!!!!

Cindy said...

Hey! I could be that girl in jeans, or even better, work clothes, at Bally at noon. I go twice a week on my lunch and stopped feeling like dork for working out in silk or khakis long ago. Rather Im thinking why are so many people here, doesnn't anyone earn a living anymore?! I get the last laugh - while my coworkers are sitting on their fat asses scarfing down microwaved hungry man dinners I burning calories! I think every gym has an old naked oriental lady in locker room, yeah cover it up pls! smile.

Olivia Hernandez said...

LOL Cindy! If you aren't breaking a sweat you aren't burning calories! I wish you lived close, you would be FUN to run with! We could argue about soy and vitamins and supplements for hours, everyone else yawns when I start in on my health stuff!

Dr.Rutledge said...

Hi Olivia,

I'm a physician and former faculty member at Harvard and Stanford Medical Schools. I discovered your blog while looking for the best health writers on the web. I reviewed your posts, and think your writing would be a great addition to the Fitness for Moms Community on Wellsphere, a top 5 health website that has nearly 5 million visitors monthly. If you would like to learn more about how you can join our Health Blogger Network, republish your blog posts and be featured on the Wellsphere platform, just drop me an email at dr.rutledge@wellsphere.com.

Cheers,
Geoff

KC said...

this whole thing is hilarious! i can't even pick a favorite!
bark~!
~KC

Rebecca said...

#8 TOTALLY!!!!!!Damn kids! Or they sit there and have a 10 minute phone conversation. Like what the hell are they doing at the gym??? I get impatient and firmly and sarcastically ask "Are you using this thing?". LOL Then they get off. When someone is on the machine I want I move on to a different exercise and come back to it. Some people waste SO MUCH time at the gym! They must be there for hours! Instead of keeping pace and working out an opposing muscle while resting the one they just did a set for, they just sit there! That irks me so much! Sometimes I can do 3 sets of 15 on each machine and the person is STILL on the machine I want! Ridiculous!
I also get very annoyed with people who are just slobs and throw their crap all over the locker room, do not cleanup after themselves, and also these ladies that want to set all their crap on the benches and you do not have a place to sit down and put on your shoes. That really makes me mad because I NEED to sit on the bench due to my balance. Often I end up sitting on the floor.

Rebecca said...

HEHE - the naked lady comment cracks me up! I know! The people who SHOULD NOT flaunt it are actually running around without any modesty very openly flaunting it! ???? One time there was about a 7-8 month pregant lady standing there naked watching TV and doing some very inappropriate toweling off (basically digging in her crotch!). I was stunned and wondered if her pregnancy made her lose her marbles!

Anonymous said...

Wow. You sound really mean and judgemental. You are the reason so many of us don't go to the gym. You frighten us -- and you're mean.

Olivia Hernandez said...

Tell the truth anonymous, you sent that from your iPhone while sitting on a machine didn't you?

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Anonymous said...

You are one angry B#@TCH!

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