Tuesday, April 7, 2009

MRI Dreams

It's 8 am and I just woke up, have been asleep since 4 pm yesterday. My online mommy friends comment how lucky I am and I murmur a smile as the grogginess fogs my thoughts. My body feels slow, like a grape falling through not quite set jello. I forced myself to run yesterday, and my feet carried me across hot pavement until I doubled over the bright green spring grass, wretching the last bit of home made pumpkin bread unsettled by my awkward gait. I took a swish of water and kept going, forcing my eyes to ignore the hot burning rays of sun creating criss cross patterns on the sidewalk between the shadows of leaves. I ran straight to the gym and went through all the usual motions and repetitions, 3 sets of 12 on every machine I have figured out, yoga, more sit ups, and finished just as Paul pulled up in the van. I plopped down inside, sweaty, out of breath, and nodded off on the 3 mile drive that felt so far just an hour ago. Just a quick shower later and I found myself in the MRI room. Has it been 6 months already, or have the last 6 been a dream and I have never left to begin with? 2 muscle relaxers later that MRI bed is like a womb, I floated in and out of consciousness until finally I emerged and walked back out into the harsh light, again into the van and whisked away home. Did I ever leave the van or was the MRI a dream? I tried to humor the kids, asking questions about their day, only to find myself sent to bed and falling into a deep sleep. I woke suddenly and it was pitch black, it couldn't possibly be 2am? I tossed and turned the remainder of the night, finally rising as the sun creeped through my blinds and tossed slivers of warmth across my pillow. How can I be so tired when I have been dreaming since 12pm yesterday? Now I have to go act as if I am fully present and get through another day, Mica smiles will help, and JT hugs when I get him from school. MRI results later this week, and then I can pretend to be whole for an entire 6 months...

3 comments:

Cindy said...

thought keflex was a broad spectrum antibiotic ?

very well written and understand that last sentence perfectly. good luck.

Olivia Hernandez said...

It is, turns out my MIL gave me the wrong name of the pill, though it is some sort of muscle relaxer. That's what I get for accepting pills from another person!

Joe Gunn said...

Great writing! Hoping the MRI results are good. (BTW if you haven't seen this series from the LA Times it's one of the best series about someone with NF I've ever seen. Front page too! http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-ana5-2009apr05,0,3418012.story )

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