Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Why is it all of my girlfriends are defensively single? If I say anything about dating or ask about a man they may have met I am faced with a look of utter contempt. All of them are fiercly independent and quite capable of being on their own. Feminism at it's height...the collective goal we as women supposedly aim to achieve, free from the reins of a man... safely out of love's way. So it makes me wonder if my road taken is a bit cliche, I mean is it last century to find your True Love and raise some kids? It seems coupledom is being pushed aside as women are infused with a warrior cry of singularity. In marriage you trade your autonomy for partnership, but this is supposed to be beneficial and not at all sacrificial. So pardon me while I fold my husband's shirts and get dinner on the table by 5... I don't feel at all repressed, in fact you might say I feel... loved... adored... free... feminine.


Heather said...

amen! im on the same road with u, my dear.

Cindy said...

Im just impressed you can get dinner on table by 5! lol.

HNY Cheers to coupledom

Anonymous said...

Rock on! Ha some of my single friends are really wanting to have a family and want what we have!

Days like These! said...

I love being loved and cherished.

composite said...

Good for you, Olivia. It takes all kinds. Circumstances, opportunities, and people change. (That's what's great about memory and writing--we can revisit and reflect on what we knew then, and what we thought we knew then--how we interpreted someone else's behavior, and what we later learn they were actually dealing with..) My experience is not that anyone has more or less access to love in life based on marital or romantic relationship status. It's more dependent on openness and being receptive: Sources of love are infinite--although unconditional love is a bit more scarce (as partially exemplified by the unfortunately high incidence of divorce). There is a best of all worlds, and every relationship--marriage and otherwise--requires some sacrifice, and a reciprocated basis to be equal.

I'd like to assure you that your impression of what constitutes feminism is skewed, though. Some of the most ardent feminists I know are married men with children. It's more a matter of supporting respect and _equal rights_ for all women/persons than any woman's apparent fierce independence or rejection of all men. You embody feminist tendencies in your life through your actions, writing, and obvious independent-mindedness that all have more to do with your personhood, than your status as a woman. Your roar is grand! ;-)

Some alternative explanations for the (mis)perceived "contempt" in reaction to a conversational focus on dating: Maybe it prompts your friends' remembrances of negative experiences and disappointments/not being treated respectfully (or even abused), maybe they would prefer to meet a potential partner halfway (it's a fine juggling act between indicating interest and seeming overly aggressive, as well as paths convering based on shared interests/values so the relationship has a solid foundation), or maybe it's not the topic a friend most cares to discuss at a given moment/with you (maybe they've outgrown older patterns of conversing and want to establish new foci around common/emerging interests.) Life phases and respect run both ways, friendships change over time. We have some influence on the direction.

Qué sera, sera. And may all know the power of love!

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