I started the 200 sit up program this week! I did my initial test and found that I can do 100 consecutive crunches, so now I follow the program and work up to 200. My abs were actually a little sore the next day, which I love! So today will be the first day of the actual routine, and I highly suggest anyone who wants to trim a little waist try this program.
I have decided that when I run, I am really jogging since I am so slow. I do not want to be a jogger, I want to run! Since I do not have any scheduled races until July (San Francisco baby yeah!) I am going to drop my mileage and build it back up at a 10mn pace. This weekend I plan on running 4 hard miles, keeping the pace at my goal. I am actually excited, I haven't run in much too long, life has just been in my way. 4 hard miles sounds much more exciting than 15 slow miles, although I love my long ambling jogs around here. I will work back up to 15 miles but at a pace I can be proud of.
Update on Mica: Her fever broke soon after my last post and so we held off on the ER. Her fever spiked again last night but my neighbors are doctors and they both examined her and said the impetigo and fever are unrelated. She just needs lots of hugs and pedialyte and should be fine within a week.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Karma
About a week ago a friend's child was sick for the millionth time, and I casually mentioned that my children pretty much never get sick. I mean aside from JT's NF2, they have not had a cold or flu in over a year. I was just asking for Karma to come kick me in the ass, now Mica is sick! Poor thing is running a high fever and has an impetigo, which the doctor says is unrelated, but which to me suggests a staph infection. Her doctor felt her lymph nodes, then sent her home with tylenol and an ointment. Today she still has a fever, even while on the Tylenol. I called the doctor's office back to ask for them to send her for lab work to be sure this is not staph, they told me to go to the ER! They said the doctor is out of the office today and it would take a long time to order blood work. Do they not know that ER stands for emergency? This is not an emergency, and it does not need "urgent care" either, what it needs is for her doctor to think of these things on his own and handle her appointment times more responsibly. Now I have a sick Mica Stinka who is missing all her Valentine's Day parties, and will have to sit in an ER for God knows how long! I was hoping this post would be all about Valentine Adorableness and Mica in a new pink dress, but I am off to the ER. I should have knocked on wood...
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Smart Ass
I cannot believe my own son! I was called in yesterday for a parent-teacher conference. Apparently JT thinks he is funny. The teacher showed me his chair, where she had place blue tape as a visual border to keep JT in his chair and from messing with other students! No other child in the class has this type of boundary! She utilizes a punishment system similar to the terrorism warning signs CNN uses. A rainbow of colors ranging from a well behaved blue to a hot red for the naughtiest of offenses. Each child gets a clothespin with their name written on it clipped to blue each morning, and with each offense they must move the clothespin down. JT was asked to move one level to yellow, instead he moved it all the way to red and defiantly looked at his teacher, as if daring her to send him to the principal's office! Unfortunately she could not call his bluff as Mr. Taylor was away for the day, so instead she had a 2nd grade teacher known for being strict come talk to JT. I was told JT is the best reader in the class, and is now in GATE and doing advanced work. Each week he brings home the same homework packet as everyone else, plus an advanced packet to finish in addition to the regular homework. He is smart, but I am not tolerating him acting like a smart ass. He is grounded and got his butt whooped, so we will see how smart he thinks he is now. What is with my children!?
Friday, February 6, 2009
$500,000 for NF Research?
A CTF marathoner has reached the top 10 in the Lenox Extra-Mile Hero contest! The winner gets $1 million to split with the charity of their choice, his choice being CTF! The Children's Tumor Foundation is the charity I have been running for to raise funds for NF research. Neurofibromatosis is more common than Huntington's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, and Muscular Dystrophy combined! It is a great organization, so please visit the link below and vote for Pete Dingeman, then pass the word on! Let's show everyone how strong our numbers are! Only one vote per email please!
http://www.lenoxhero.com/Voting.aspx
Olivia
http://www.lenoxhero.com/Voting.aspx
Olivia
Fabulous Lazy Mommy?
Is it just me or has there been no running update for a while? I mean am I not the Fabulous RUNNING Mommy? Well I have been not-so-fabulous this week. I have been just relaxing, doing the bare minimum on my chores and feeding the kids poptarts for breakfast! Granted they get a piece of fruit and protein shake with that, but in this house poptarts are usually unheard of! I even had a little eel last night on my sushi! Yes I am still vegetarian, but come on... eel? That is not a freaking animal! I step on spiders so eating eel is not a huge leap. So I have been just getting by this week, and I am ok with that!
However... next week will be all about punishment! I'm starting the 200 situps program which will help me to be able to do 200 consecutive sit ups in 6 weeks! I will be in a 2 piece this summer, if I have to beat my belly off with a stick! I'm going to jump right back in with my running, with 1 interval and 1 mile repeat session a week, with a long run of course on Sundays. I am currently averaging an 11 minute a mile pace on my long runs, and before I distance train for the full 26.2 mile marathon I want to get closer to 10 minutes a mile! I will get there, I just have to buckle down, because as I have learned "Pain is Temporary, Pride is Forever!"
However... next week will be all about punishment! I'm starting the 200 situps program which will help me to be able to do 200 consecutive sit ups in 6 weeks! I will be in a 2 piece this summer, if I have to beat my belly off with a stick! I'm going to jump right back in with my running, with 1 interval and 1 mile repeat session a week, with a long run of course on Sundays. I am currently averaging an 11 minute a mile pace on my long runs, and before I distance train for the full 26.2 mile marathon I want to get closer to 10 minutes a mile! I will get there, I just have to buckle down, because as I have learned "Pain is Temporary, Pride is Forever!"
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Only Child
I have always been an only child. I remember as a little girl begging my parents to play Barbies with me, there was no one else to play with. Rainy days were torture, and I was a book worm by the 3rd grade. To this day I need my space, I like to zone out to my own tasks for hours at a time, I get irritated when people speak to me while I am preoccupied, I like to sit and read entire books. Except that I am not an only child. Before my Dad met my Mom he impregnated a young girl, he was only 20 at the time, but she was under 18. There were a lot of problems with her conservative parents, and the baby girl was given up for adoption. I had no idea until I was around age 10, one night at dinner my Dad just told me for no apparent reason that I did in fact have a half-sister somewhere out there. I remember being shocked and feeling incredibly ripped off. You mean to tell me I have been in isolation this entire time because you gave away my sister? I was too little to understand all of the complications surrounding the issue. In years to come as the internet grew my Dad would spend late nights searching adoption boards for my sister. We found out her name was Melissa and she had been adopted near San Diego, she was so close to us still, but so far away. I grew accustomed to waking up late in the night to hear the keys clacking on the keyboard in the computer room, my Dad hunched over the screen, circles under his eyes as he sipped at cold coffee.
When I was 20, and pregnant with JT, my Dad received an email from Melissa. She had been at a friend's house who suggested they check to see if anyone was looking for her, my Dad had searched and posted for so long, Melissa immediately found him. She called us, and my Dad and I, giddy with excitement, drove out to meet her that night. As we drove we were both quiet, all I could wonder in my pre-child self-absorbed mind was would she look like me? We pulled up to a dark home deep in Riverside, and when we knocked I cannot even imagine what my Dad was feeling. She opened the door cautiously, funny I cannot even remember our first words, or if we even hugged. I remember she was so sweet, and a bit quiet, but smart and funny just like all the Amador's. We stayed and talked for a couple hours, met her daughter, and learned that she was Catholic and a total hippie! Vegetarian-barefoot-lived in the Haight-named her child Summerthyme Breeze-hippie! I do remember hugging her tight as we left. I loved her immediately, and had to hold myself back and remind myself she already had a family. She even had an adopted brother, I was almost jealous, why did he get to grow up with my sister while I spent so much time alone? My Dad and I drove home animated, talking about everything, laughing that she looked nothing like us. She is light, with light brown hair all the way to her waist, her eyes remind me of my Daz's but other than that I guess she looks like her biological Mom. Her and I had a lot in common, and had become single moms at the same age. I just couldn't believe I really had a sister!
In the months to come she and Summerthyme visited once in a while, we even took a trip to the beach just her and I with our babies! I was so unbelievably happy, telling everyone I'm going to the beach with my sister, proudly, as though I had the only sister in the world. We talked for hours, about adoption, about our Moms, about "our" Dad who I never knew how to refer to in front of her. After all, it always hung over us like a shadow, she already had a Dad. Once she started asking about how old I am we realized we were only 1 year apart... barely. I honestly think that hurt her, I didn't know what to say. I just told her I was mad too, that I wished we had grown up together, and that both of us were ripped off. It was supposed to be us against them, but maybe that was just me being self-absorbed again. I even let her call me Oli, and called her Meli in return. I don't even know if she realizes she is the only person I would ever let call me Oli. While at first I thought we looked nothing alike, we realized quickly our bodies were exactly the same... when we pressed our hands together the length met up perfectly, palm to fingertips...
It became obvious that Melissa was afraid to tell her real Mom she had found her biological parents. By this time she had even met her biological mom, and spent a few holidays with us. She was hiding the truth from her, and none of us had the right to tell her how to handle it. Tish kept telling everyone, if she waits too long it becomes a lie and it will be so much worse. I don't think Meli would ever lie to her Mom, I think she just honestly didn't know how to tell her. Her adopted brother had found his biological parents, and not even kept in touch, and it devastated her Mom. Then the unthinkable happened, Meli's Dad died of a heart attack last year. What could we say? My Dad felt horrible, and didn't want to impose himself on her and disrespect the man who had raised her, who had stepped up and been her father. Summerthyme was getting older, we all began to worry, what would happen if she mentioned us to her Grandma? No one wanted to tell her to lie. Slowly Melissa began to pull away from us. We used to text message each other and just check in, I realized she had stopped answering my texts. It has been about 6 years since we first met, so I am used to us just talking every few months. She came to a birthday party for Daz in February of 2008, but this month she didn't RSVP for Nani's 80th birthday. We had sent an invitation, all of us had called, emailed, text messaged. Nothing. Finally I text messaged her saying that we are all worried about her, and to please just let us know she is ok. No answer.
At this point I can only assume she has decided not to see us anymore. She can't be part of 2 families, or lie, or hide things from her Mom. It's been too long, and she never told her, how could she tell her now 6 years later? I don't understand why she couldn't text me back and tell me her decision herself. How could she just cut me off after all of this without a good-bye? I can only guess that this was hard for her, and it would be wrong to presume to understand her feelings. The truth is I don't want to understand, I don't want to share her. I want her to be ours and its not fair at all that just as I had grown to love her enough to take her for granted, she leaves. I keep wondering if I did something wrong. We have such different views on life and religion, and had really gotten into it a couple of times, but thats just the way my family is. It's how we express ourselves and relate. I just feel I deserved a response, I thought that she would think our relationship was worthy of a good-bye. I just miss her...
I guess I really am an only child...
When I was 20, and pregnant with JT, my Dad received an email from Melissa. She had been at a friend's house who suggested they check to see if anyone was looking for her, my Dad had searched and posted for so long, Melissa immediately found him. She called us, and my Dad and I, giddy with excitement, drove out to meet her that night. As we drove we were both quiet, all I could wonder in my pre-child self-absorbed mind was would she look like me? We pulled up to a dark home deep in Riverside, and when we knocked I cannot even imagine what my Dad was feeling. She opened the door cautiously, funny I cannot even remember our first words, or if we even hugged. I remember she was so sweet, and a bit quiet, but smart and funny just like all the Amador's. We stayed and talked for a couple hours, met her daughter, and learned that she was Catholic and a total hippie! Vegetarian-barefoot-lived in the Haight-named her child Summerthyme Breeze-hippie! I do remember hugging her tight as we left. I loved her immediately, and had to hold myself back and remind myself she already had a family. She even had an adopted brother, I was almost jealous, why did he get to grow up with my sister while I spent so much time alone? My Dad and I drove home animated, talking about everything, laughing that she looked nothing like us. She is light, with light brown hair all the way to her waist, her eyes remind me of my Daz's but other than that I guess she looks like her biological Mom. Her and I had a lot in common, and had become single moms at the same age. I just couldn't believe I really had a sister!
In the months to come she and Summerthyme visited once in a while, we even took a trip to the beach just her and I with our babies! I was so unbelievably happy, telling everyone I'm going to the beach with my sister, proudly, as though I had the only sister in the world. We talked for hours, about adoption, about our Moms, about "our" Dad who I never knew how to refer to in front of her. After all, it always hung over us like a shadow, she already had a Dad. Once she started asking about how old I am we realized we were only 1 year apart... barely. I honestly think that hurt her, I didn't know what to say. I just told her I was mad too, that I wished we had grown up together, and that both of us were ripped off. It was supposed to be us against them, but maybe that was just me being self-absorbed again. I even let her call me Oli, and called her Meli in return. I don't even know if she realizes she is the only person I would ever let call me Oli. While at first I thought we looked nothing alike, we realized quickly our bodies were exactly the same... when we pressed our hands together the length met up perfectly, palm to fingertips...
It became obvious that Melissa was afraid to tell her real Mom she had found her biological parents. By this time she had even met her biological mom, and spent a few holidays with us. She was hiding the truth from her, and none of us had the right to tell her how to handle it. Tish kept telling everyone, if she waits too long it becomes a lie and it will be so much worse. I don't think Meli would ever lie to her Mom, I think she just honestly didn't know how to tell her. Her adopted brother had found his biological parents, and not even kept in touch, and it devastated her Mom. Then the unthinkable happened, Meli's Dad died of a heart attack last year. What could we say? My Dad felt horrible, and didn't want to impose himself on her and disrespect the man who had raised her, who had stepped up and been her father. Summerthyme was getting older, we all began to worry, what would happen if she mentioned us to her Grandma? No one wanted to tell her to lie. Slowly Melissa began to pull away from us. We used to text message each other and just check in, I realized she had stopped answering my texts. It has been about 6 years since we first met, so I am used to us just talking every few months. She came to a birthday party for Daz in February of 2008, but this month she didn't RSVP for Nani's 80th birthday. We had sent an invitation, all of us had called, emailed, text messaged. Nothing. Finally I text messaged her saying that we are all worried about her, and to please just let us know she is ok. No answer.
At this point I can only assume she has decided not to see us anymore. She can't be part of 2 families, or lie, or hide things from her Mom. It's been too long, and she never told her, how could she tell her now 6 years later? I don't understand why she couldn't text me back and tell me her decision herself. How could she just cut me off after all of this without a good-bye? I can only guess that this was hard for her, and it would be wrong to presume to understand her feelings. The truth is I don't want to understand, I don't want to share her. I want her to be ours and its not fair at all that just as I had grown to love her enough to take her for granted, she leaves. I keep wondering if I did something wrong. We have such different views on life and religion, and had really gotten into it a couple of times, but thats just the way my family is. It's how we express ourselves and relate. I just feel I deserved a response, I thought that she would think our relationship was worthy of a good-bye. I just miss her...
I guess I really am an only child...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Daughters...
I've been in New Mexico with Paul's family the last week! I did not announce our vacation because I am paranoid about what I say on a public forum, I have been robbed before and couldn't stand to have it happen in my safe little cocoon. We had a great time with Paul's family, his brother Steven married his wife of 5 years Christa in the Catholic Church. Of course Mica found this the perfect time to attack me until I dragged her outside and she called me stupid... repeatedly. I spanked her... repeatedly. She was crying and kicking, screaming for Paul. She was hysterical, and for the rest of the day disregarded my presence. I am so terrified of what will happen as she gets older. Will she hate me? I can't imagine my precious baby girl looking at me with contempt.
As I have shared before my Mom and I did not get along for a very long time. The other day I stood in the shower at Paul's brother's house with the steaming hot water streaming over my shoulders. I absorbed it as I worked the shampoo into my hair, working deep at my roots as I flashed back in a montage to different fights between my mom and I. Her screaming, demanding, me crying, her leaving, everyone blaming me, the irrationality, the constant volatility, begging her not to get the shot for a day... I realized I was furiously scrubbing my head and sharply yanked my hands down to see them covered in broken strands of soapy hair...
Once I came home from school and she was gone. The truck was still parked in the garage, she was barely able to walk so where had she gone? I searched the house in a panic, calling Mom... Mom... Mommy... knowing she couldn't hear me. I looked for a note, some sort of trail. Finally I turned on her relay machine and used the arrows to scroll back and read her last received communication. It was from an ambulance company. I called the ambulance company and hunted her down at a local hospital. I flew down in the truck, certain she was dying, that this was finally it after what I considered then to be a long battle. I got there and it was only the beginning. She had her daily migraine and had called for help since I was not there to take her for a shot. When I asked why she had not let anyone know or left a note, she told me to just get out and leave her alone. I sat in that dirty hallway outside of her room for an hour, until she noticed I was there and again told me to just leave. I have no idea where my Dad was. I was 16. So I left, and went where I wanted, away... I escaped...
but I always came back.
As I have shared before my Mom and I did not get along for a very long time. The other day I stood in the shower at Paul's brother's house with the steaming hot water streaming over my shoulders. I absorbed it as I worked the shampoo into my hair, working deep at my roots as I flashed back in a montage to different fights between my mom and I. Her screaming, demanding, me crying, her leaving, everyone blaming me, the irrationality, the constant volatility, begging her not to get the shot for a day... I realized I was furiously scrubbing my head and sharply yanked my hands down to see them covered in broken strands of soapy hair...
Once I came home from school and she was gone. The truck was still parked in the garage, she was barely able to walk so where had she gone? I searched the house in a panic, calling Mom... Mom... Mommy... knowing she couldn't hear me. I looked for a note, some sort of trail. Finally I turned on her relay machine and used the arrows to scroll back and read her last received communication. It was from an ambulance company. I called the ambulance company and hunted her down at a local hospital. I flew down in the truck, certain she was dying, that this was finally it after what I considered then to be a long battle. I got there and it was only the beginning. She had her daily migraine and had called for help since I was not there to take her for a shot. When I asked why she had not let anyone know or left a note, she told me to just get out and leave her alone. I sat in that dirty hallway outside of her room for an hour, until she noticed I was there and again told me to just leave. I have no idea where my Dad was. I was 16. So I left, and went where I wanted, away... I escaped...
but I always came back.
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