Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dream of a Day...

This week has really gotten away from me. I thought I had just posted here "yesterday," and yesterday turns out to be Saturday! I finally see a doctor about my ovarian cysts tomorrow morning. I am nervous and trying to just stay positive. The next day I have the first half of my MRIs. My 26th birthday is in a couple of weeks, I hate that my MRIs coincide with my birthday! The idea of aging and traipsing that much closer toward my 30's, combined with the anxiety surrounding MRI results, leads to a bit of a stressful month. Around my age my Mom's tumors started growing out of control, there were so many growing at each MRI they couldn't count them all. My Grandma also had increased growth in her 30's. So while to many people 30 means a sense of accomplishment, of leaving behind the whirlwind of your 20's, to me it feels like an inevitable march toward a fate I would rather avoid. I don't want to be Debbi Downer over here, I know technology has improved tremendously just in the 10 years since my own Mom turned 30. That is why I run! To try to do my part in raising funds for research so we can cure NF2! I run so I can dream.... dream of a day I can wake up and not feel like a scythe is hanging precariously over my head... dream of a day I can watch my kids play and not wonder if I will live to see them grow... dream of a day when I don't have to stop myself from wondering who my husband will give his heart to when I am gone... dream of a day when the need for melodramatic morning blogs are unecessary, because my only concerns will be trivial and I will be ecstatic to live in normalcy. It will happen, and as of this morning all I can do is run, so that is what I am going to do...

I am still $75 away from meeting my fundraising goal! Even if you can only donate $10, that puts me that much closer to achieving my self-imposed quota! Visit my fundraising page:

1 comment:

Jennifer Bruno Conde said...


I don't think anyone would call you Debbie Downer. More like Paula Positive.

My husband, Gonzálo lost his wife when Amanda was 2 months old. He's taught me that you just never know what's going to happen! People sometimes develop a serious illness and are gone quickly. His 50 year old sister died unexpectedly a year ago. Amanda's brother, Chris died 2 years ago at age 14. Nobody could have predicted that.

We "disease free" people aren't safe. Anything can happen. We all have to enjoy life to the fullest while we are here.

You are such a positive and refreshing person and aren't sitting around waiting for fate. I admire you so much for how much heart you put into everything you do!

Happy happy 26th! You are right between my sons, age 27 and 23!

Jennifer :-)

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