Friday, May 15, 2009

Top 10 Oh Honey No's

1. Ponytails right on top of your head, doesn't that hurt?

2. Skinny jeans on big people... do I really have to explain that one?

3. White girls who shave their eyebrows off and crimp their hair with Rave... oh don't worry I'm not laying it all on the white people...

4. 40 year old Latinas who still wear black lipliner, caked face makeup, tons of black eyeliner, draw their eyebrows, bleach their hair and feather it (!) and wear clothes 3 sizes too small that shouldn't even be allowed on any of their 4 teenaged daughers. You look like the cry later mask, and Mi Vida Loca came out 15 years ago.

5. Leggings worn as pants, especially with a waist length tight tank top. I know this may be difficult for the younger generation so I will explain. Once upon a time women wore these things called panty hose, but they didn't go with all shoes, so somebody, probably a man, invented leggings. They actually originally had stirrups, but I don't want to scare anyone so we'll leave that be... anywhore... they are meant to be worn UNDER a dress or tunic top, something that covers your flat but and muffin top.

6. Tiny ponytails that stick straight out like Olive Oil's bun, they just irritate me.

7. Scene/emo kid haircuts. Nobody thinks you are cool, all of us are wondering where your mother is and why she hates you that much. For the older generation this time, I will explain. A scene cut is typically an asymmetrical short cut, as in those ugly kids walking around with half a shaved head and bangs obscuring 90% of their field of vision.

8. Mom jeans, even worn ironically. Camel toes will never be in style.

9. Wearing a bikini with your tummy hanging out over it, claiming you are comfortable enough with your body. What about the rest of us?

10. Party Moms, with your fake boobs and "Coach" purse, in Juicy sweats that were cute 5 years ago with some huge plastic platforms and long leopard print acrylic nails with a bleached ratty weave down to your waist, a nautical star tattoo and a tramp stamp... all while your child is running around in Garanimal sweats 2 sizes too small.


Frosty said...

Ditto! These are great...and so true.

Heather said...

black or other colored bras under a white shirt.

the dreaded VPL.

dark skinned girls with bleach blonde hair.

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